Talk:Opening Locked Doors/@comment-8248793-20150824145502
SPOILERS I will try to comment by themes and will probably end up breaking it into sections xD SEVENTY ONE - Marley's talking is very...strange to me haha. Like she was never like that before and then suddenly she sprouted some bro talk and I was like "???" Though I think you really did a good job of provoking Renee and showing Marley's love for Aspie. SEVENTY TWO - Hm...This really makes the story suspenseful and I think you definitely made me wonderful what will happen next, therefore making me want to read more. (I'm actually disappointed that this isn't mostly about Inuwa joining the Clans haha) SEVENTY THREE - I suspect you're trying to show us the other side of Renee? I really like Renee honestly and she shouldn't feel bad for getting angry haha. I like Renee better than Inuwa :P SEVENTY FOUR - Hm wait is the moon full or half right now? If it's full it would only be one month :3 SEVENTY FIVE - OH NO INUWA IS GONNA BE FOUND AMG I KNEW IT XD Ahhh Renee protect him <3 You did a good job of making the theme innocent and making us hopeful and then you were like "nah" SEVENTY SIX - Oh my, was that Aspie who had left the Community in this scene or Myles? O: SEVENTY SEVEN - Hm i thought think Myles should have ran. Like after his whole speech he suddenly changed his mind?? Sorry I know you probs wanted them to get to the Clans but this was fairly unreal to me. SEVENTY EIGHT - Ooh wow okay I don't like Slate at all. I feel as though he's overprotective but definitely making the wrong choices. I wonder if this had any importance with where Inuwa is going... SEVENTY NINE - Hm...I don't want to be frank, but I think the biggest problem I have with the story is that you go through flashbacks and like skip around a lot. Like idk I know it's to fit the themes but I think going through the story would have been the most smooth. But I like your ideas anyways! :) EIGHTY - Daw this one was kinda cute and you did a great job of sneaking in the theme like that haha EIGHTY ONE - Another cute scene <3 EIGHTY TWO - Aw no what if Inuwa falls for Renee and then they get accepted into different Clans D: This is a cute Renee/Inuwa scene, though I don't ship them EIGHTY THREE - LOL THE WAY YOU INCORPORATED THE THEME XD Sorry that just made me laugh cause all these chaotic dreams and then "I'll go get breakfast :3" EIGHTY FOUR - Aw no you'll make me miss Aspie haha EIGHTY FIVE - Ooh okay so Renee and Inuwa should be in one of those two mark groups or...are they just saying how many warriors will join, not specifically in the Clans that they represent? I'm stopping here for now since this is getting long. I'll finish later/maybe tomorrow :) But you've made me fairly excited to finish and I'm glad you had the determination to complete this! <3 END SPOILERS